At times i find myself on the verge of tears. Haunted by the memories. And i just sit there wondering why i cry. And when these haunted memories come it just makes me wonder why things happen the way they do. And it makes me wonder how i got to the place i am now. Im in a great relationship now. Yet at times (like now) i feel like its a haze. Like its not even real. I dont know how to describe it other that its like im in a dream. But not neccisarily the good kind. He's what you would call the perfect boyfriend. He takes you out on dates before you were boyfriend and girlfriend. He actually paid. And refuses when i pay. And he even waits up no matter how tired he is just to say goodnight. I mean how amazingly sweet is that? He makes me happy in every way. But for some reason they only way i can describe it is that i feel numb. I know thats cause of what happend in my last relationship. But i dont want to be like this! Its not fair to him.But the thing is these memories just come back. And i hate it when they do because i just get right back into that fog again. ughhhh i just dont know what to do. Ive thought about it and prayed and everything. Its not the fact that i miss me ex cause EWW deff not he's a big fat donkey(if ya get what i mean) but like i dont feel that its fair to my boyfriend now. In fact i know its not. And i just want those memories to STAY AWAY!!!! Its like im being attacked. all in all now that i think about it im just...SCARED. Im scared to let myself feel anything because i dont ever want to feel the pain i felt. I know thats the thing you hear from most girls. But i mean my heart was ripped out last time. And im Mad at myself because its not fair to my boyfriend now. And i just dont know what to do. Ughhh this sucks. =\
And its so weird because now i feel fine and everything is good. Im not liking these ups and downs.
ReplyDeletesorry I got to this so late, I've been rather busy. ok, so here's what you need to do- don't let your last loser influence your current relationship. baggage doesnt need to come until your mid-twenties, trust me. basically, the sooner you can push through, and drop the baggage, the most successful this relationship will be. you've got to force yourself out of this state of mind by self-discipline and make an audacious move to not let your past rule your life. because if you don't stop it in its tracks (now), then it won't go away, and you will lose out on so many amazing people and opportunities.
ReplyDelete"Still, if you set your heart on God and reach out to him, If you scrub your hands of sin and refuse to entertain evil in your home, You'll be able to face the world unashamed and keep a firm grip on life, guiltless and fearless. You'll forget your troubles; they'll be like old, faded photographs. Your world will be washed in sunshine, every shadow dispersed by dayspring. Full of hope, you'll relax, confident again; you'll look around, sit back, and take it easy."
-Job 11:13, The Message
Thanks Girl that really helps.
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